It occurs to me I haven't posted at least half of what I promised in coming attractions, so because my brain is dead to all useful activity at the moment, I think it's time to deliver. Well, to some extent, anyway. In any case, without further ado, as part of the essential knitter declaration series (don't worry, I made that up), the following are my knitting heresies:
1. Gauge square? We don't need no stinkin' gauge square! Need I explain this to anybody? I have never had a project come out right with fewer trial-and-error cycles by knitting one of these stupid things. By the way, a glove/mitten cuff or hatband in the hands of someone comfortable with double-points does not take that much time, and if you know your own yarn tension and the appropriate yarn type for a project, you're pretty much 90% there. Plus you don't waste the yarn. Or have a bunch of stockinette squares wasting room in your stash pantry/drawer.
2. Always--no, never--use the recommended yarn for a pattern. Pppbbbt! Do I look like I'm made of money? Poo on your luxury yarns, poo I say! Honestly, just say on your pattern "worsted weight" or "bulky" or "fingering" or "sport" or whatever, and I can find something appropriate. Or tailor my yarn tension/needle size accordingly. And sometimes you can get a totally unexpected and awesome result by breaking with guidelines. Would I lie to you? Actually, don't answer that.
3. What are these standard size needles of which you speak? I own a handful of mismatched bamboo double-points that might or might not have belonged to my grandmother. Besides, "standard US size" doesn't apply to Chinese needles, now does it? I think I might have sizes 5 to 8. Ish. Does it matter? Uh...not for the past decade or so.
4. Speaking of which, who needs 3 different kinds of knitting needle? Be honest, now, when's the last time you really cared about doing a flat project e.g. scarf or washcloth on long single-points versus long double-points versus circulars? It looks the same. Period.
5. Finishing is for the birds. So...be honest again, have you never left a loose tail on the inside of a hat under the assumption that NO ONE WILL SEE IT? Yeah, thought so. Speaking of hats and other "shaped" items, wet-blocking? Are you freakin' kidding me? I will not hand-wash an object, roll it out in a towel (or stretch it over a perfectly serviceable plate which now can no longer be used for its original purpose), and let it dry, only to see it (especially in the case of stockinette scarves) curl right back up into its stubborn just-knit configuration the minute I throw it down someplace and forget about it. Not gonna happen. I'll take my knit items au naturel, thank you very much.
6. But not near least: Always--no, never!--take your "skill level" into account on a project. It just makes you psych yourself out, and then you're bound to fail. DOOOOOOM! No needles? No experience? No problem! Keep in mind this simple mantra: the end justifies the means. That intermediate/expert-level project's gonna look awesome if you keep encouraged, and who wants a garter-stitch washcloth anyway?
Honestly, I could ramble on for a few centuries, not that I'm gonna. Time to put my money where my mouth is, and if I can't force myself to study or write or try to become a better doctor, at least there are lace gloves. This has been another episode of loose screws--I mean threads!
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