Apple Madness

I love apples in much the same way that the Eleventh Doctor loves apples ("Can I have an apple? All I can think about...I love apples! Maybe I'm having a craving."). This time of year I can't seem to get enough of them: the juiciness, the sweet-tartness, the crunch, the heft of one in your hand should you need a makeshift projectile weapon. So when Fairway was doing a sale on organic honeycrisps, I went all out and bought an entire bag. And proceeded to eat apples. All. The. Time. So. Many. Apples. "That's rubbish. What is that?" Exactly the same way the Eleventh Doctor loves apples.

So, to make lemonade and mixed metaphors of the situation, what does one do to get rid of a sack of apples? Improvise apple bread, that's what! This recipe borrows heavily from one for sweet potato bread found here. Except unlike its sweet potato cousin the apple steams for a shorter period and doesn't get mashed to within an inch of its life (you may mash it gently, or not so gently, if you wish, but it's really not going to change anything). Also, because my sweet tooth is...rather sensitive...I nixed a little bit of the sugar, went darker with the rest, and gave the bread a little extra proteinaceous heft by getting rid of some leftover hazelnut flour and chopped walnuts from my pantry. By the way, you can do just fine without the nuts if you're allergic or just don't like them.

Honeycrisp Apple Bread

Wet Ingredients:
2 apples, chopped (I left the peel on, but I like fiber)
1 stick butter, melted
1/4 cup Greek yogurt
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract

Dry Ingredients:
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup hazelnut flour (you may skip and make all AP flour here)
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar, lightly packed
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves (I have whole cloves so took the berry of about a dozen of these and ground them between my fingers--seems to work)
pinch of salt
1/4 cup walnuts, finely chopped

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a 9 x 5 inch loaf pan with foil (and/or grease it with your lubricant of choice: butter, oil, Crisco, cooking spray, motor oil, whatever floats your boat).

Chop apples into a microwave-safe bowl, sprinkle in about a tablespoon of water, cover with plastic wrap and microwave on high for 5 minutes. Remove carefully from microwave, place in medium mixing bowl, and mash slightly with a whisk.

Add butter and yogurt, and when mixture has cooled slightly, whisk in eggs one at a time until fully combined. Whisk in vanilla extract.

In a large mixing bowl, combine dry ingredients except for walnuts, sifting until completely mixed. Stir in walnuts.

Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and whisk gently until just combined, i.e. all the dry stuff is wet and your mixture resembles very chunky batter (or...apple sick? It looks a little barfy, but tastes delicious, and really who cares so long as the end result looks and tastes like win?).

Pour into prepared loaf pan, place in oven, and bake for 50-60 minutes, or until top is golden and bread is springy and no longer comes off on your toothpick/knife/tester thingy. Check on your bread at about the 30-45 minute mark and tent with foil if the top is browning too quickly.

Allow to cool approximately 10-15 minutes before turning out onto a rack or dish to cool completely. Serve immediately or store in foil/plastic wrap at room temperature or in the fridge until such time as you choose to devour it.


Some people carve faces in their apples. I bake them into submission.